Don't Make Me Watch
by ImagineATale
Summary: Inspired by ladivina's oneshot "Anything", this is my take on Beast's regret for what his decision to release Belle means for his servants. Kind of an alternate ending, and not a happy one. You have been warned.


**Okay, ladivina seems to be making my plot bunnies incredibly...active...lately. This comes inspired by ladivina's oneshot titled "Anything", which got me thinking of the scene in the movie where Beast apologized for the fate of his staff, then told them to go, as they were nearly out of time. This is kind of an alternate ending as it assumes that the mob doesn't storm the castle causing Belle's immediate return. Angsty story with an angsty ending. You've been warned.**

 **I think I'm going to experiment with writing this in present tense. Past tense will indicate events he is recalling. I just feel like this story wants a present tense narration for some reason.**

Beast sits on the ledge of the western turret. He's been sitting there since he watched his dear Belle, his love, his only hope, gallop off into the woods to rescue her father.

 _"Can anybody be happy if they aren't free?"_

Her words echo in his mind. How had he been so foolish to think a prisoner could be happy in her prison? He hadn't seen her as his prisoner for some time, at least since they went to Paris via the portal book and he had been moved to apologize for calling her father a thief. That was, after all, the reason she had been held, having taken upon herself the penalty her father had incurred. _A life sentence for a rose._ How reasonable it sounded then. How utterly disproportionate it seems now. But if he was sorry he had called the old man a thief, he basically had no claim on either of them as his prisoner.

But it had gone unspoken, so technically she was still his prisoner. Until she had posed that question, which led the conversation to her father, which led to the discovery of his peril, which led to Beast officially telling her to go.

Now Belle is free. Now Belle can be happy.

And that's what matters isn't it? She could be free and happy, even though Beast knows he will never be either. Soon, the last petal will fall. His fate will be sealed. He will be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

And his servants? They would be forever frozen as ordinary household appliances. Essentially dead. Or worse, trapped in their unmoving forms but aware. This bothers him more than the prospect of remaining a Beast. How long had he loathed the curse for what it did to _him_? Now that doesn't matter. It grieves him, yes, but what grieves him even more is what his choice to release Belle means for the servants he's grown to care about as friends, even family. At least he got to apologize to some, who would hopefully pass it along to the others. But, while he meant every word of his apology with utmost sincerity, it seems so hollow now. How is an apology close to being sufficient when the fate he's sorry for condemning them to is so horrible?

 _"Now go. Our time has almost passed."_

Why had he sent them from his presence? Does he simply wish to be alone in his grief? Certainly that is part of it, but he now has an eternity to be alone in his grief. It goes deeper. He does not want to watch as his friends stop moving, becoming statues of previously living houseware. He does not want to see them at the moment they become, basically, wooden, metal, or porcelain corpses. It will be hard enough to see them motionless when the need for food drives him to leave his perch on the turret.

Perhaps this makes him a coward, he supposes. Perhaps he owes it to them to watch their final moments. The final moments he is responsible for. He briefly considers going down and spending what little time remains with his faithful friends, who have been far more loyal to him than he ever deserved. But no. He just can't bring himself to do it. And he hates himself for lacking the fortitude to return their loyalty.

And all the while he still thinks of Belle. He knows she will never return, but his heart still insists upon clinging to a shred of false hope that maybe she will someday. Surely too late to save his friends, but if she did, he wouldn't be alone. He would have the one he loves with him. But then he thinks, maybe he should send her away if she ever were to return. What will be for her here? No servants around to see that the castle runs smoothly. As it is now, he knows that once he depletes the food supply in the kitchen, he will have to go out into the woods and hunt his food.

And this brings him another disturbing thought. He had done some hunting in the years of his curse, having allowed himself to slip into a more feral state. Would killing his food like any wild creature cause him to revert to a feral state? Or would the impact Belle had on his very soul keep him from losing the humanity he had gained? He silently scolds himself for sending the mirror with her. Not that he expects her to look back on him, but what if she does? What if she sees a feral creature, giving into his animal instincts for his very survival? Surely she will be horrified to see such a thing.

"Master?"

The sound of his majordomo's voice is close to him. His head remains low, not having to look up to know it is Cogsworth beside him.

"She's not coming back," he says despairingly.

"Uh, no..." the clock confirmed grimly. "We're all worried about you though. Mrs. Potts is beside herself with concern. Won't you come down for one more cup of hot tea before...?"

The rest goes unspoken. It doesn't need to be spoken.

"No," Beast said. "Thank you. But I cannot ask anything further of any of you considering what my decision to let her go means for all of you."

"It's not your fault she didn't return your love," Cogsworth says somewhat bitterly. "It makes sense I suppose that you would rather she be gone, not a tangible reminder of her rejection."

Beast finally lifts his head and looks at the mantle clock, horror evident in his features. Cogsworth, and probably the rest of the staff, believe their fate falls on Belle's shoulders. This has to be set right. It is not fair to Belle to bear the blame, even if she will never know. It is also not fair to the staff to spend their last hours thinking the blame is due where it is not.

"To be fair, I never got the chance to know if she'd reject me," Beast said quietly. "I never got the chance to tell her. I tried...I hinted at it. She actually seemed receptive to the hint so I asked if she thought she could be happy here. She asked if anyone could be happy if not free. I hadn't seen her as a prisoner for some time but never told her. Seeing the effect the question had on me she tried to change the subject, saying her father taught her to dance." He sighs sadly. "She tried to lighten things, but my regret only grew. I knew she missed him and commented as much, which she confirmed. I took her to the mirror, hoping it would help...but..." His voice trails off.

"Was he unwell sir?" Cogsworth asks.

"In a manner of speaking," Beast whispers. "He was being restrained. Handled roughly. When I heard her distress I turned to look. She said he was in trouble and clearly he was. So I...told her to go to him. I told her to take the mirror so she could look back on me if she liked. But I doubt she will." He lets his head hang once more. "So please don't hold your fate against Belle. Even if I had gotten to tell her and she rejected me, she certainly doesn't owe me her love. But please don't blame her for failing to return the love I hadn't the chance to confess. What's happening to all of you rests squarely on my shoulders."

There is a moment of silence between Beast and clock.

"Are you sure she won't come back?" Cogsworth asks finally. "Once she's gotten her father out of harm's way?"

"Why would she?" Beast asks. "I set her free. Why would she willingly return to a creature like me?" It is a rhetorical question, not requiring a reply. "Now go. Please tell the others, so they do not hold anything against Belle. She is the last person deserving of blame."

"Of course Master," Cogsworth says.

Beast turns and watches the clock disappear back into the tower. He is relieved that Cogsworth has left him. _Please don't make me watch you turn completely_ , he thinks silently.

But it is only a short time later that his thoughts are interrupted once more by his head of household staff.

"Master," Cogsworth says. "I passed the message. We understand Belle is not at fault and we have no ill feelings towards her. Nor do we towards you, sir."

"You should," Beast whispers. "I have failed you all."

Beast suddenly feels something touching the side of his leg just below the hip, and looks to see Cogsworth has put his 'hand' there in what is meant as a comforting gesture. It might normally seem like an inappropriate place to put one's hand, but given the fact that Cogsworth stands about a foot tall, well, he is rather limited in what he can reach. Cogsworth can be blunt at times, and he can also be grumpy, but he really does have a heart of gold.

"We are concerned about you Master," the clock says. "You've never been without servants since you were born. Cuisinier has prepared some meals for you. Nothing fancy I'm afraid, things that will keep for a few days. But once you've gone through the food in the kitchen...then what?"

"Then I suppose I'll be forced to hunt in the woods," Beast says with a sigh. "I just hope I don't lose what humanity I have. And if I do I hope Belle never does look at me in the mirror. She will be horrified if she sees me living feral. But I'll have to if I'm to survive I suppose. Though maybe there's not much point in surviving." He sighs. "I appreciate the concern, but I don't deserve it and I wish Cuisinier hadn't troubled himself on my account. Like I say I cannot rightly ask anything more of any of you."

"You didn't ask," Cogsworth says. "We all care about you Master. Most of us have been employed here since before you were born, and thus we've known you since you were a babe in your mother's arms. Our fate is what it is. What troubles us more than becoming rubbish is that it leaves you fending for yourself."

"As I should be Cogsworth," Beast says. "I've treated you all so badly I don't know why you're all concerned for me."

"Because the person who treated us badly is not the same person I'm talking to now."

"My heart may have changed," Beast says softly. "But not what I've done."

Beast looks forlornly out into the distance. He inches closer to the edge, looking down. He contemplates throwing himself over and letting himself fall to the ground far below. He figures he would hit so hard after falling so far that he would never feel the impact. It would simply be a fall, then the peace he can never have in this life. But then he remembers Belle. If she ever does look in the mirror, or ever does return, unlikely as he knows either to be, he knows that seeing his mangled corpse lying in the snow would be very distressing to her. Even if she does not love him, he knows she at least likes him on some level, and she cared too much to leave him for the wolves to finish off even when she still despised him. No, the possibility that she should ever see the aftermath of his suicide dissuades him from it.

Before he moves back, however, Cogsworth senses his contemplation and becomes alarmed. He grips with his 'hands' the robe Beast had donned before ascending the turret and gives it a tug. Not that a tiny mantle clock could stop a large beast from taking the plunge. He knows that if his master were to go over, he would simply be along for the ride.

"Master, please," he implores. "Don't do it. I know what you're thinking. Just please don't."

"I won't," Beast says. "I thought about it, but I know if Belle ever does look in the mirror...well even if she doesn't love me she certainly won't enjoy seeing...my remains."

"I should say not!" Cogsworth replies.

"Leave me now," Beast says softly. It is not commanding. His tone holds no authority that indicates that Cogsworth is under him. His will to command Cogsworth or anyone else as servants is gone. But he wishes his friend would be out of sight before the curse takes full hold.

"Would you not rather have some company before...it happens?" Cogsworth asks. "You're looking at a very long time to be alone."

"Perhaps I'm a coward for this," Beast whispers. "But...I dread watching any of you become inanimate. I suppose I _should_ bear witness, after all I'm the one who brought this curse on us all in the first place. But I just...don't think I'll be able to bear it. Please...don't make me watch."

But the timing of things has other ideas. A quake is felt. Other turrets crumble further. And before Cogsworth can comply with his master's wishes, he feels himself going rigid.

"I'm sorry Master," he says. "I'm afraid I can't move away from you."

Beast looks at his friend as if his head is turned in the clock's direction involuntarily.

"Master...I can't...speak..."

"Cogsworth..." Beast says, voice laced with grief. He wants to turn his head away, but he cannot. His gaze is transfixed on Cogsworth.

"I can't...Master...my Prince...it was an honor...to serve...you..."

A few final ticks and Cogsworth finds himself completely transformed. Just an ordinary mantle clock, no different than if he had been manufactured.

"Oh Cogsworth..." Beast says sadly. He has had to watch one of his servants...one of his friends...fall completely under the effect of the curse. This is exactly what he had hoped to avoid. And yet it seems fitting that he should be forced to bear witness.

He feels his heart break even further than it already has. He never knew it was possible for a heart to feel such anguish and loss. He knows it now. He gently picks up the clock that had been his head of staff just moments ago. He stands and walks inside from the ledge, into the upper most room of the tower. There he lets out an anguished roar, then sinks to the floor. He holds the mantle clock close to him and curls himself around it in fetal position.

"I'm so sorry Cogsworth," he says mournfully. "I wish I could have saved you. All of you."

Then a flood of tears rushes out that he has held in since he watched Belle leave. As he weeps, he can only hope that one day Belle will return to him and stay for evermore at his side. As much as his head knows that will never happen, his broken heart refuses to let go of that one shred of hope.


End file.
